We had the pleasure of speaking with Ray Frigault, also known as Rayzor, an inspiring individual who has overcome many obstacles in his life and is now sharing his wisdom with the world. Ray is the author of “It’s About TIME, rediscover your youth and take the fear out of change,” a book that offers valuable insights on how to navigate the challenges of middle age and beyond. In our interview, Ray shared his personal journey and the experiences that led him to write his book. From losing everything he cared about to finding happiness and fulfillment in retirement, Ray’s story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of embracing change. Through his work, Ray hopes to inspire others to rediscover their youth and make the most of their lives, no matter what age they are.
1. If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
Outdoorsman, Empath, Dreamer,
2. The book titled “It’s about time” quotes, ” Erasing the past is not the way to start a new life.Embracing the future is. Realizing you are here for a reason and going out to find it is the most gratifying experience” How can one be grateful for their past experiences, which may be full of hardships, breakups, and unforgettable memories ?
In this statement I am not stating that one should be grateful for their past. I am saying that one should accept that the past is behind them and the future is what is important. It’s a fact; we cannot change the past, no one has yet to make time travel a reality. However, no matter how terrible one’s past is, it is possible to rise above it. We need not let our past define us.
3. Rayzor’s life starts with a ray of hope in the darkness and continues with it. Do you think we need to be spiritually strong to have hope ?
Spirituality, according to the dictionary, is “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material and physical things”. So I guess the answer would be no. A person can have hope without spirituality. Hope comes from within. It comes from a belief that things will improve. To some people it is their spirituality that gives them hope. A hope that there is a life beyond this physical world. However, hope can manifest itself in many ways that do not involve anything spiritual. We live in a physical world. By helping someone better themselves is giving them hope. A teacher is giving hope to their students. A social worker gives hope to a needy family. A simple lottery ticket gives the holder HOPE that they could be a millionaire. Some types of hope, unfortunately can be termed false hope because it is not realistic. I had a saying; “If this is as bad as it gets, we’ve got it made”. I had hope that my life would get better with time. Why? because I was on my second time around and I knew that if I did the work my life would get better.
4. The book has given much critical advice with reason, as you have suggested to leave destructive relationships, move back home, and ask for help. The most interesting one is asking for help. Why do you think people hesitate to ask for help, and why ?
People hesitate to ask for help because their ego tells them that asking for help is demeaning and it makes them look weak. If one realizes that it is only a temporary stage in their life and that they will grow out of that stage, it becomes much easier to ask for and accept help.
5. The inclusion of bee understanding and free living, which is depicted in the book as ” According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” We humans are constrained by social expectations. How do we become like bees like to BE ourselves?
You must remove the fear of failure. Failure is an important part of growth. When I was on the ski slopes learning to ski I realized that if I wasn’t falling once in a while I simply wasn’t pushing myself. Which meant that I wouldn’t improve. If a bird wants to fly it has to leave the comfort of the nest and take that leap of faith. Humans are no different. If you want to grow you must be willing to step outside of your comfort zone. And, even more important, stop listening to the people telling you you can’t do it. These people will hold you back.
6. Another interesting part of the book is that lessons are taught while practicing self-introspection, like a growth chart . Would you like to elaborate on them and how did they help us in self-analysis ?
I compare this to someone who is trying to lose weight. When they begin their diet and/or exercise regime they weigh themselves. A week later they weigh themselves again and every week they do the same thing. If the weight showing on the scale is less than the week before they will be motivated to continue. If the weight is higher than the week before they will be motivated to work that much harder to stay on track. The growth chart is simply a self-motivational tool. When a person is feeling down because they’ve had a setback they can look back in their growth chart and see how much they’ve grown up to that point and hopefully feel a little better about where they are. This will be the motivation that will keep them moving forward when they want to give up
7. The curious intention behind writing this book, according to you, is “ directed at middle-aged people who feel their life is over. Their motivation is gone. The excitement of getting up and facing new challenges is gone and replaced by depression and inactivity.” Are there many other intuitions behind the writing of this book ?
Turning 40 is a scary time in our lives and yes I did write this for those entering middle age. But the truth is that many others could benefit from the philosophies in my book. A suffering addict or a man facing a prostatectomy, for example, could each benefit from my experiences. I wrote this book to save lives. I hate the thought of someone ending their life because they think they don’t have a reason to live. I was there, I know that feeling. I want to take away that helpless feeling. If I had to sum up the message I am trying to deliver in my book with one word it would be HOPE.
8. You believe that children are the results of their parents’ experiments , and there is no rule book for parenting, which leads us to totally rely on our errors and lessons. What do you think parent-child relationships lack these days?
Social interaction. The adults, when they aren’t working, are on their cell phones and computers and the children are playing video games or watching you tube or Tik Tok. I think COVID gave everyone a wake up call. We were locked down and forced to interact with our family members. And many have made lasting changes in the family dynamic. The Universe gave our societies a wake up call. I hope they listened.
9. “It’s about time” is a mixture of emotions that depict reality with the essence of realistic humor. What do you think about how much humor is important in one’s life ?
Humour is a distraction from reality that we all need in our lives. Humor gives us a chance to laugh at the things that might otherwise make us uncomfortable. It allows us to buffer the painful things in our life. Just as our body uses shock to protect our bodies from feeling pain. Humor can distract us from some ugly truths.
10. In contemporary times, love is the most commodified feeling in the world where standards have been put forward, but as you say, “If you need love, give it first, unconditionally, and love will surround you.” What do you think love should be?
It’s not what I think Love “should be” Love is something pure and honest. It comes in many different forms. The Love for a child is different from the Love for a spouse. There are different classifications; conditional Love, unconditional love, Maternal love, the love of nature. To sum up what love should be would mean that I want to change what love is. For me Love is selfless, honest and giving.
11. One of the chapters titled “Give and You Will Grow” has been described as the most important chapter of the book. Would you like to share why this chapter holds so much weight in the book ?
I believe in the law of attraction, that we are all connected in the universe. That is my spiritual belief. The Universal law states that we must give to receive. The more we give the more we will receive.you have to plant a seed in order to reap a harvest. When I say Give and you will grow I’m not saying that if you volunteer at the soup kitchen you will win the lottery or inherit a mansion. It’s deeper than that. It is an inner contentment of having made someone else’s life better. With that contentment comes an inner peace that radiates and attracts. Asking me to explain this is like asking me why the flowers grow in springtime or why a sunset is different every night and yet still remains amazingly beautiful after 68 years of watching them. It’s the universe. It’s beyond explanation. Like the Tao, if you can describe it, it is not the Tao.
12. You have also greatly emphasized how to distinguish between our well wishers and those who are not, as you quoted. Butch says to me, “What makes you think you can help others when you’re so fucked up yourself?” How did you deal with this kind of negative vibe about you ?
At the time I simply shrugged and said to myself, “He’s right, I am messed up. What makes me think people will want to hear about my experiences.” I was still basically a baby at that time, not quite mature enough to let the statement slide. This statement stopped me from writing my book at the time. However, looking back now, I didn’t have a book back then. I had one experience and a year’s worth of growth. I had to live another 19 years in order to put together enough experiences to fill a book. So, having said that, I would have to say it was the Universe guiding me, telling me “You’re not Ready”.
13. In the contemporary world, people tend to follow societal trends and expectations, but as Rayzor goes after his gut feeling, he is being risky . Do you think risks are healthy then following the trends ?
Calculated risks are not only healthier, they are necessary for growth. Columbus said, “You have to lose sight of the shore if you want to cross the ocean”. Life is full of risks. It’s risky to get in a car and drive. As for following trends, there are sheep and there are shepherds. Which do you want to be?
14. It’s about time, also greatly emphasizes the concept of “middle-age reboot” Would you like to share something about it ?
This is exactly what my book is about, Middle Age Reboot. I call 40 the equinox of life. Equinox is a day that happens twice a year when day and night are the same length of time. If we go on the assumption that we, on average, will live to be 80 yrs old or older then 40 would be considered an equinox. 40+40=80. Which means that at 40 years old you get to live a whole other LIFETIME. In my book I write about 20 years of my life that follows my life changing epiphany. I do this to show the 40 year old reading my book just how young they truly are and how much life is ahead of them.
15. You have faced losses in many of your businesses, your family, and yourself. How did you handle these losses and regain the strength to fight back ?
The knowledge that I had plenty of time to rebuild gave me the fortitude to trudge on. Time passes and things get better. “This too shall pass” is a saying that helped me get through many pitfalls.
16. Personal battles are more powerful than other battles. Do you think this book is a reflection of a personal quest to know yourself ?
My whole life has been a quest to know myself. I have worn many hats in my life trying to find ME. I know myself now better than I ever did and I think writing the book helped a lot. Writing the book gave me the opportunity to look back on my life experiences and dissect those experiences so that I could put them into words. In doing so I learned a great deal about myself. However, I am still learning about myself and growing. At 68 I’m starting yet another career as a keynote speaker.
17. Another important lesson of the book is, as quoted, “The less you have, the less you have to worry about. Less worry means less stress. Our lives today are so cluttered with STUFF that we are drowning in it. We keep it in our basement, our attic, our car, but mostly in our MIND. Simplify your life, and you will be set FREE. There is a whole movement out there to simplify”. Why do you believe that the mind needs liberation instead of regulation?
Liberation instead of regulation, an interesting way to put it. Our mind has many things to process every minute of every day. So much so that it can become overwhelming. People meditate to calm the mind and get rid of the clutter. I think that meditation has become so popular because everyone is over stimulated with useless thoughts. Many of these thoughts are brought about by the media, telling us we have to have this or that in order to look good and “fit in”. There is pressure to perform a certain way, look a certain way, have a big house (much bigger than what we need). When you simplify your life it is like meditation, it unclutters your mind.
18. You have also tremendously dwelled on the problems and concerns with regard to the diversity of mental illness and how solutions should also be based on one’s personal problems. According to you, how should one identify the mentally unhealthy behavior within them?
That’s really a question that I am not qualified to answer. I can only speak about my own personal experiences and what I learned about myself. I guess my advice would be; be aware. Be aware of how you feel. Be aware of how people react to you and question why they react that way. Pinpoint the behaviors in your life that you don’t like and attempt to change them. If you find that you are having difficulty changing these behaviors or you find you simply cannot cope then you should seek professional hel[p.
19. The more you fall when you are younger, the more content you will be when you are older. According to you, what is your biggest lesson to which you will hold on forever?
Time heals almost everything. I put it into a saying. “Time can turn mistakes into wisdom, heartbreak into love and endings into new beginnings.” “This too shall pass” was a saying that my mother gave me when I was in my 20’s. That statement saved me many times when I felt I was drowning.
20. The title of the book holds truth within it because truly, it’s about time. How did you come up with this title and choose it over the others ?
I came up with it one day and I thought it captured quite well the essence of my message. I like the play on words.
21. “I have realized that the journey to 80 is broken in two. Just as the journey to 40 was in two parts, youth and adulthood, Your second life will have two parts, middle age and senior”. How do you feel while writing about all these moments of your life ?
I found writing to be therapeutic. It allowed me to relive some very special times in my life. My writing space was a travel trailer parked in our driveway when we weren’t traveling. That trailer was like a time traveling machine that took me back to some very special times in my life. There were times when I would be overcome with happiness. And other times, like when I was writing about my father dying at the age of 45, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I tell everyone, “writing is Therapeutic”. I recommend that everyone try it. We all have a book in us.
22. Health is one of the most essential components, which the book talks about as needing more responsibility. How to be responsible for one’s health
I’m not sure what the question is but I will say; if you want to live to be 80, you don’t necessarily have to do anything. Our modern medicine will keep you alive. BUT if you want to live to be a healthy active 80 year old you better start taking care of your body. And that means eating right, limiting the amount of chemicals you put in your body and EXERCISE. Your body is meant to move and not be sedentary.
23. It’s about time, correctly pointed out that “nature is the only truth “. How do you communicate with nature and its surroundings ?
Nature is a one way communication, it simply exists, it’s in it’s nature, lol. The observation of the wonders of nature is what gives us pleasure. Just being in a forest and looking at the many many lifeforms and how they coexist will bring peace and harmony. And it’s that harmony we feel that is nature communicating with us. I am 68 years old and just yesterday I saw something in nature that I have never seen before. A huge flock of sandhill cranes flew over my head. That is the beauty of nature. It’s always changing. Nature has no agenda except to keep going. Which is why I say it is the only truth. Man always has an agenda and it is not always for the betterment of mankind.
24. This book is not leading the readers to be blind followers of its lesson but rather to be skeptical about it and do our own research. What are the lessons that everyone should follow regardless of their diversity ?
Be true to yourself. Don’t try to be something you’re not just to please others. Never give up.
25. The ending of the book is the new beginning of the new chapters , hopes, and wisdom of love, as it’s all about time, beautifully quoted. “I began this book with a quote from Anna Nalik’s song “Breathe (2 AM).” “Life’s like an hourglass glued to the table.” It’s only fitting that I end with another quote from that very same song. “I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowd, because these words are my diary screaming out loud. And I know that you’ll use them however you want to.” Would you like to share why this song has been so influential throughout your journey ?
I love the picture that those beautiful words form in my mind. The first of an hourglass steadily dropping sand. I was driving the first time I heard it and I actually had to pull over because I was so overwhelmed by the simplicity of the saying that captured how time ceaselessly moves forward. The fact that the hourglass is glued to the table speaks to the briefness of life and the importance of making every day count. The other saying once again captured beautifully how I felt as I shared intimate parts of my life.
26. In contemporary times, there is huge visibility given to late-life depression, which was taken for granted largely. What are the reasons for such delayed acceptance of such depression ?
Depression has never really been taken seriously. It is only recently that it has become more prevalent in the media. I think that, like everything else in our world, science is progressing and we are only now realizing that depression is debilitating and expensive. Expensive in that it costs money to replace a worker who is off on disability and that worker is collecting an income from either an insurance company or the government. And when the expenses are largely carried by the government they are going to put a task force together to solve the problem.
27. Do you have other writers in the family?
I have an uncle named Guy Frigault who lives in Montreal and has published a book in French about my late aunt, who was a nun that worked in a hospital that was an actual leper colony.
28. Can you share any upcoming projects or works in progress that you’re excited about?
I ended my book at the age of 60. I am planning another book called “It’s about time to retire”. I am only at the outline stage at this point. But look for it in the future. Currently, I have re-launched my book and I am concentrating on my speaking career. Can you believe it? At 68 years old I’m starting a new career.
29. What advice would you give to aspiring writers, particularly those who may be struggling to find their own voice or develop their own unique style?
Just do it! The hardest part is getting started. You start with an outline, that is your foundation. Once you have a GOOD outline you just fill in the blanks. If you are having trouble finding your voice, get out and speak, that’s what I did. I listened to a webinar with Jack Canfield and he said . “If you’re having trouble writing your book, get out and speak about it and the book will write itself.” I actually did that and my book was created. However another webinar I listened to said “If you are having trouble writing your book, hire a book writing coach” I had never heard the term before so I googled it. And I found one! Amanda Turner is her name and she lives thousands of miles away from me. We’ve never met in person but she took my words and made them into, what I think, is a very good book.
“It’s About TIME, rediscover your youth and take the fear out of change” by Ray Frigault is an inspiring and motivational read for anyone who feels stuck or lost in the middle of their life. In this book, Ray shares his formula for finding purpose and happiness after 40, based on his own personal experiences. You can purchase this book on Amazon and start your own journey towards a fulfilling life.
“It’s About TIME: Rediscover Your Youth and Take the Fear out of Change” by Ray Frigault is an inspiring and practical guide to help readers overcome their fears of middle age and embrace the next phase of their lives. With personal anecdotes and a simple formula for a “middle age reboot,” this book is a must-read for anyone looking to make a positive change in their life. Order now on Amazon!