My dear friend, today you electrocuted me with a live wire. Today you told me you don’t want to live anymore.
Why? Why are you doing this to me? Do you know exactly how useless I’m feeling right now? I feel like I’ve wronged you, that I didn’t listen to you enough or I was cooped up in my own life and leisure. I feel like I said or did something stupid which made you lose out on my trust. “I don’t wanna live”. These four words made me choke on my food during lunch and I felt the four walls of the canteen come crashing down on me. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why didn’t you just call or text me saying that you were having a bad day? Why did you have to let this pile on you? I don’t want to lose you, girl. I want to watch 13 Reasons Why with you. I want to sit with you at lunch every day. I want you to accompany me on the monotonous Metro rides home. I want you to text me funny cat videos every evening. But most importantly, I want you to be there and your suicide will murder my soul.
I know what you want to hear from me. That it’s okay. The truth is that it’s not. No, it’s not okay. I’m not going to let you surrender. I’m going to get your enemies in trouble big time, for the people who are heartless and mindless enough to abuse you to this extent, deserve a large serving of punishment and a few nice spanks for dessert. Why is the girl who called you a “slut” still out there? Why is your ex-boyfriend, who cheated on you for some silly girl, still out there? Why is the girl who called you a fat ugly cow, still out there? I’m pretty sure ninety- five percent of her “beauty” can be removed with a Kleenex whereas you are beautiful and you don’t have to wear six pounds of makeup on your face to be so. Why are the girls who snickered at your clothes, the guy who squeezed your waist and dashed away, your “friends” who kicked you out of a group project for no fault of yours and that so-called “friend” who gave you a look upon saying hi, as if you didn’t exist, still out there? Why aren’t they sorry for what they did? Will, you ever do, or have ever done anything of the sort to anyone? Why didn’t you tell your parents, even if you didn’t tell me? Why didn’t you tell them the very first day someone called you a “whore”? Did they give birth to you only for you to kill yourself? Why did you think they of all people would abandon you?
You and I, we will fight. We will bring them to their knees. We will teach them a lesson. Life is beautiful, dear and just because you end up facing challenges doesn’t mean you’ll never make it through. You might be thinking that you’re weak, but the truth is, that you’re strong. Yes, you’re strong enough to withstand this and in spite of being tortured, you never thought about doing the same to them when you had the right to. And if you were strong enough to bear this, you’re strong enough to fight too and I’m glad you opened up to me and were wise enough to talk about it. This is all I told you this afternoon, right? The biggest gift you received from the Almighty is life, and it’s not your fault that people are littering on this gift of yours. But hey, you can always pick up a huge broom and mop and sweep it clean. You don’t abandon your house when it’s dirty, you clean it instead. Just because a friend dumped you or your boyfriend cheated on you doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Your virtue doesn’t lie in the areas you were molested on. These people, they don’t own you and they never will, but that is if you don’t surrender to them. You need to be there to show them that you’re not “easy” and nobody can have their way with you.
Today, even you taught me a few things. That we value something the most when it’s snatched away from us for when we have it, we take it for granted. You taught me how beautiful life is and now I’ve realized that you form a large element of that beauty. You taught me how to never take friendships for granted. You taught how to laugh and smile each day and gave me great advice whenever I needed it. You never left me alone. You may have a million reasons to die, but you have me and your family as the only reason to live.
I’m ending this letter by saying only one thing. I love you. And now I’m going to put this long letter between the pages of your tear-stained notebook and wait for you to read it in the next class.
Aranya Paul Nandi